Have YOU Ever…

Cheated on your beautiful Swedish wife with AT LEAST A DOZEN mistresses?
Been ACCUSED OF CHOPING one of your employees?
Fired your UNDOCUMENTED HOUSKEEPER in your run for governor?
Sent DIRTY E-MAILS TO PORN STARS while serving in the U.S. Congress?

If so, YOUR GOOSE IS COOKED!

It was only a few hours ago that attorney Gloria Allred summoned these several dozen reporters, bloggers, and cameramen to the Milton Berle Room of the New York Friars Club, but in reality they’ve been waiting days and days for her to materialize. A week has gone by since Politico reported allegations of sexual harassment against Herman Cain on its Web site. The story was made for the 24-hour news cycle—a presidential future threatened by lechery of the past, corporate payoffs in exchange for silence, a rich and powerful alpha male denying everything, the victims given a once-in-a-lifetime chance to vanquish their aggressor, in the process turning American political life on its ear. But the narrative has failed to live up to its promise because Cain’s four accusers just aren’t talking. Bound by confidentiality clauses they reached long ago with the National Restaurant Association, they can’t show their faces to the tabloids, let alone discuss what the Republican hopeful might have done to them when he served as the lobbying organization’s president in the 1990s.

Finally on this November morning Allred has arrived to deliver the goods—to catalyze, to indict, to champion, striking the perfect balance between vapidity and utmost seriousness as she introduces yet another woman with a lurid story to tell the world. By her side is Sharon Bialek, a new accuser of Cain who isn’t bound by a confidentiality agreement.

Allred is five feet, two inches tall. Her short feathered hair is brown and tinged with gold highlights, and she has a narrow nose and a wide, confident chin. The forehead and cheeks are remarkably smooth for a w...