“F—— goat,” comedian and Cubs fan Jeff Garlin is saying, and I must admit that the quotes that follow are not as precise as I might like, because it’s hard to take notes when Diet Coke is spurting out of your nose. “A goat? OK, let’s get something straight. It is not a curse to not want a goat at a baseball game, all right? That is not a curse. Nobody wants livestock in baseball games, OK? That is not a curse. You sell Babe Ruth, yeah, OK, maybe that’s a curse. You sell the greatest ballplayer ever, OK, I get it. But kicking a guy and his goat out of a baseball game, no, that is not a curse.

“You know, this was a time when people dressed up. I mean, nobody would let a goat into a game now, and people dress like pigs. Back then people wore suits to games, they wore hats. There wasn’t a team in baseball that would be like — ‘Sure, oh yeah, the goat’s fine.’

“And by the way, do we know if this guy had any other successful curses? Does he have a list of curses that we can look at? If he had a whole bunch of curses that worked, OK, fine. But I’m not buying that he tried only one curse, and it worked, and it was because they did not let him bring a goat into a game.”

Jeff Garlin can keep going. He has kept going. But for now he stops here.

“F——- goat,” he says.

***

This is an unromantic attempt to unwrap the most mysterious streak in sports. Yes, we’re taking on the Chicago Cubs. Reports swirl around that Theo Epstein will become their next GM, the great Theo, the man who ended the Boston Red Sox curse. Epstein is a brilliant guy. But he should know: This one’s different.

See, this is not about how the Cubs have not won a World Series since 1908. Everybody talks about that, but it’s deceiving. Between 1909 and 1945 the Cubs won seven pennants. They were a dominant team in the National League. It just so happened that they kept losing World Series. That was a different kind of pain.

No, the streak ...