Relationships can be blissful but the fact that things can easily go south can not be overlooked. There is therefore a pressing need to protect one’s self from what is usually a very vulnerable venture and an effective way of doing this is by asking your potential partner some deep relationship questions.
While you can never really know another person completely, asking the right questions could save you a lot of trouble and heartache. This is because it ensures that both of you are on the same page regarding your goals for the relationship. To help make this easier for you, we have curated 40 unique relationship questions you can ask your crush before leaping into that relationship.
Deep Relationship Questions to Ask a Guy
The world as we know it is mostly patriarchal – this means that traditionally, men are expected to shoulder specific responsibilities. As a heterosexual woman getting into a new relationship, here are a few questions you should ask your love interest before making him your boyfriend to ensure you don’t make fatal mistakes:
1. What are your views on spending money in a romantic relationship?
As stated above, men are usually expected to handle certain responsibilities, chief among them is the financial burden of a romantic relationship. As a woman hoping to get into a relationship, it is only proper that you get a feel of what your potential boyfriend thinks his financial obligations towards you might be. Does he prefer to go Dutch, or is he treating you like a kept woman? You must find out which it is.
2. What are your life plans and how will they affect our relationship?
Another good question to ask a man whom you intend to build a relationship with is his life goal. It is very important to understand what your man wants out of life. His goals and plans are a reflection of the man, and his attitude towards these goals might give you a clue as to how he views you and your relationship.
3. Why did you break up with your ex-girlfriend?
There shouldn’t be a new relationship until this question has been answered satisfactorily. This tells you what his limits in romantic relationships are. It’s an opportunity to evaluate whether you are comfortable with them as well. In the instance where he was the cause of the relationship’s demise, you can choose to either call it off or carry on if he appears a changed man.
4. What boundaries have you established in this relationship?
Relationships are more beautiful when boundaries are protected by both parties. This is because love alone is not enough, several other attributes like respect, tolerance, etc are needed as well. So, if you want a healthy relationship with your man, getting answers to the above question will help you know the boundaries not to cross.
5. What are your deal breakers?
A deal breaker is a factor that can make a party decide to abandon an agreement and it is an especially important one in romantic relationships. You need to find out what your partner feels strongly about, enough to make him jump ship if it happens. This allows you to operate with clarity knowing that the power to make or mar your relationship lies with you.
6. How happy/sad was your childhood and have you healed your childhood traumas?
A staggering number of us live with long-lasting scars inflicted upon us since childhood. These effects of these ‘traumas’ show themselves in a myriad of ways, and nobody picks up on these more than a romantic partner. You must ask your potential boyfriend what his childhood traumas are, and how he has handled them so far.
7. What are your opinions on gender equality?
As we move from a traditional society into an increasingly modern one, fewer and fewer women continue to operate within the socially acceptable, but restrictive gender roles. As a woman trying to find love in the 21st century, you must pick your boyfriend’s brains to learn what his thoughts are on gender equality as a whole. The answer should help you make a more informed choice about moving the relationship forward.
8. Have you ever been to therapy?
Mental health is so often neglected and the effect is that a lot of broken, depressed people are moving about around us. The only way to know your potential boyfriend isn’t one is by asking him about his mental health history. Understand that a positive answer to the above question is usually cause for bullying and stigmatism so you should treat him with empathy. In any case, this question is perfect for gauging your potential partner’s emotional gauge.
9. How would you describe your friends?
One simple clue into your potential boyfriend’s personality is to understand his relationships with other people, especially his friends. While this isn’t a foolproof way of telling whether he is kind or not, asking this question, in addition to making your observations, will help you figure out how he deals with other people generally.
10. How would you describe me?
Well, if it isn’t the question every woman wants to ask her boyfriend. It isn’t smart to get into a relationship if you do not know exactly why the other person wants you. That being said, your potential boyfriend should be able to explain why he likes you, in addition to his having a very favorable opinion of you. If you aren’t satisfied with his answer, it might be a red flag that you shouldn’t ignore.
Deep Relationship Questions to Ask a Girl
Ladies aren’t exempted from questioning as well because this saves the man from making unrequited efforts in the relationship. Below are a few deep questions you should ask your female crush before taking the relationship to the next level.
11. Are you a feminist?
We cannot be oblivious of the fact that the feminism or gender equality movement has ruffled many feathers, especially those of the traditionally-inclined folk. As a man seeking to be in a new relationship with a woman in this era, you need to ask this important question to be sure of her ideologies as regards gender. This will help you choose whether to move forward or look for someone more compatible with your beliefs.
12. What is your love language?
When you truly love someone, it is natural to want to perform only actions that will make them happy. However different humans have different things they cherish from their lover, and it’s up to you to ask your potential girlfriend how she best prefers to be loved. The answer she gives you should guide you throughout your relationship with her, as it holds the key to her heart.
13. Could you explain your thoughts on gender roles in a relationship?
Traditionally, women have been expected to cook, clean, and generally manage the affairs at home while the men bring in the money to run the home. Your potential girlfriend might not ascribe to this school of thought, asking this question on time will help prevent unnecessary clashes between the both of you.
14. What is your family like?
A good way to gain insight into the personality of your potential lover is by asking about their family. Their answer will most likely reveal to you how they relate to their loved ones, which will give you an inkling of how you’re going to be treated in the relationship. You shouldn’t waste any second before asking your girlfriend this question.
15. What ended your last relationship?
An evasive partner is usually bad news likewise, a partner who insists that all of their exes were horrible to them. When you ask this question, make sure you are discerning enough to pick up any false stories. The answer to this question may make or mar your budding relationship.
16. Do you have any health issues I should know about?
Out of concern, you should ask your potential lover this question to prepare yourself for any future crisis. While it is a pretty delicate and invasive question, a partner that is interested in building a strong relationship/bond with you, should not hesitate before answering.
17. Do you have a strong support system with other women?
The best type of friend for a woman is mostly a fellow woman. Find out whether your woman is in healthy relationships with other women. You must do so because a positive answer will take the strain off you in the long run. After all, many relationships have crashed as a result of codependency. A lack of friends will also make you bear the brunt of the emotional labor in your relationship, and you don’t want that.
18. What is your opinion about love?
Two people should only get into a relationship if they love each other right? Well, that isn’t always the case, and people date each other for a plethora of reasons, some of them unflattering. Save yourself the heartache of learning you have been in a relationship for some selfish or malicious intentions by asking your future partner what her thoughts on love are. The answer will help you decide whether to proceed with the relationship or not.
19. What do you like most about me?
Similar to the last question, this question focuses on your partner and how they feel about you. An inability to give a coherent, direct answer should tell you that your potential partner isn’t probably the right one for you.
Good Questions to Ask in a New Relationship
So you are probably in the honeymoon phase of your new relationship and everything seems perfect. However, there remains the need for proper introspection as a couple, and here are some important questions you can ask each other to help achieve this.
20. Do you have my back no matter what?
A good romantic partner isn’t only there for the good times but sticks around during the tough times as well. Better still, they should also assist each other to get through those tough times as well. This question is a great way to find out how committed your partner is to your relationship.
21. Have you ever cheated and what do you consider cheating?
Moral values differ from person to person but you cannot afford to be with someone whose values are worlds apart from yours. Fidelity matters in a romantic relationship and both of you should be able to maintain it unless you both agree not to. A partner that answers this question in a cavalier manner might not be right for you if your deal breaker is cheating.
22. How honest do you consider yourself to be and how much honesty do you think is needed in a relationship?
It’s a very sad thing to be stuck with a partner who never tells the truth. Asking this question on time will keep you from getting into a relationship that will only leave you traumatized. If you value honesty in your relationship, you might want to find out what that means to your partner, and whether your views are on the same frequency.
23. How many former partners have you had?
It is understandable that the answer to this question could leave you quite uncomfortable. However, it is important that you ask this question; you should actually ask the question early enough in your relationship as it gives you time to either choose to continue or to call it quits.
24. Do you have a family history of hereditary disease?
The fact that many hereditary diseases are incurable and financially draining is enough reason to make this inquiry early before things get too serious. This could save you precious time and money that could otherwise have gone into caring for a chronically sick partner.
25. How long do you expect this relationship to last?
A great way to know how much your partner values the relationship is by asking this question. Sometimes they already know they won’t stick around for long. Thus the earlier you know their plans, the easier it will be for you to move on, rather than sitting around nursing a broken heart.
Controversial Relationship Questions
Some questions can rock a hitherto peaceful boat and leave both parties uneasy. Still, the importance of having these uncomfortable conversations cannot be underestimated and you should ask them anyway. Here are some examples of controversial questions you can ask your future partner for you to gain an insight into their minds.
26. Have you ever hit a former partner/been hit by a former partner?
Many relationships have gone south after one partner was perpetually subjected to physical abuse. In extreme cases, physical abuse could result in the death of a partner. Asking this question can help you confirm whether your potential lover has a history of abuse, either as the abuser or as a victim. Needless to say, your next step should depend heavily on the answer to this question.
27. Do you have a short temper or any anger/behavioral issues?
Would you want to be stuck in a relationship with a volatile person? Your answer is most likely no. While it is true that a guilty person will most likely lie, it has been proven severally that many failed relationships experienced red flags that both parties ignored in the beginning. Do not ignore your potential partner’s answer to this question and watch out for nonverbal cues as well.
28. What are your insecurities and biggest fears?
It takes a certain level of closeness to get someone to open up to you about their biggest fears. While the answer to this question could mean a lot to you, ensure that you keep this information in your confidence. If their insecurities threaten your wellbeing, well you know what to do – say your goodbyes and move on.
29. What do you dislike the most about me?
While you might not like the answer to this question, ask it all the same, as it would point out the areas you need the most work on. This gives you an insight into your potential partner’s mind, especially concerning their image of you and the information you get could be a very useful tool for you.
30. What are your thoughts on religion?
Different religions have various doctrines concerning maintaining romantic relations with people from other religions. It would do you a world of good if you ask your partner what they think of religion, as well as how deep they are into it. If their answer renders you both incompatible, you should then do the needful by ending the relationship.
31. What is your biggest regret?
Regrets are a part of the human experience, but they can be debilitating. Asking your partner what their regrets are could help you understand them better, as well as improve your relationship with them greatly.
32. Have you ever cheated on a former partner?
Similar to the question that tries to gauge your potential partner’s moral code, this question will tell you what sort of person they are. If the answer is positive, an explanation of why it happened should follow, because it’s a well-known fact that habits die hard.
Serious Relationship Questions
If you perceive your potential relationship to be much more than a casual affair, then it’s likely that long-term plans should be made by both parties. Before you do that, however, it would do plenty of good to ask your crush certain serious questions. Because at this point, assumptions, and misunderstandings could be detrimental to what you’re trying to build.
33. Should we move in together? Why or why not?
If your romantic relationship is getting serious, discussions about living together will most likely arise sooner than later. Asking your future partner early enough whether they are open to the idea of you moving in will prepare you for whatever eventually happens.
34. How do we handle our finances – separately or jointly?
While love is the glue that initially holds people together, money is one of the most popular causes of breakups all over the world. Planning how the both of you will manage your money will go a long way towards reducing money-related friction between the both of you.
35. Do you think we are emotionally, physically, and mentally compatible?
This question is important because it causes you to strip all the fluffy feelings away and get down to the nitty-gritty of long-lasting romance. True love should stand the test of time, and this can only happen if both partners are emotionally, spiritually, mentally, medically, and physically compatible.
36. Do you have any substantial savings and investments?
There is no security in being tied to somebody who is one step away from chronic debt. How prudent is your significant other with money? Find out by asking this question before embarking on any joint financial ventures with them.
37. Will this be a long-distance relationship or not and how do we handle it?
It would be the rudest shock to discover that your next love lives many hours away from you. Avoid this scenario by asking this question early in the relationship. If you did sign up for a long-distance relationship, then your conversations should revolve around bridging the gap between you in the best possible way.
38. How often should we communicate?
It’s a well-known cliche that effective communication in relationships is priceless. Spare yourself the torture of waiting for long hours before heading from your lover by asking them this question early. Establish how often communication should occur, and the mode of correspondence they prefer.
Tough Relationship Questions
Some questions are just difficult to answer. This could be because they tend to challenge our preconceived biases and notions while forcing us to think harder. Should you ask these questions though? Absolutely! Here are a few examples to help you get started:
39. Would you caution a family member who makes me uncomfortable?
Some people could be very attached to their birth families even to the detriment of their supposed romantic partners. Make sure your potential partner isn’t one of them by asking this tough yet direct question. If they aren’t going to protect you by establishing boundaries with their families, then you should protect yourself by leaving.
40. What would you do if I committed a crime while we were dating?
While nobody prays for this to happen, the sad reality is that it can happen. Asking your potential partner this question would ensure that both of you know what to expect if a similar situation should arise. Careful there though, the answer to this question might break your heart.
Generally, the desire to form a close bond with a romantic partner is a universal one felt by most humans on the planet. There isn’t a single topic that is more popularly discussed than love and its ensuing effects. Millions of songs have been written to this effect, books published, and countless movies scripted around this universal desire.
To fulfill this need, people begin romantic relationships with those who have the potential to fill up that emotional void, however, always ask the right questions and ensure that you go into any romantic relationship well equipped with the appropriate information. Best of luck in finding the one!