Questions to get to know someone are not just icebreakers, but they tend to reveal things about your conversation partner. Getting to know someone can be achieved in different ways, including asking some important questions that would directly or indirectly reveal something about their personality.
No doubt, there are times you meet someone and just bond with them like you have known each other for ages, but there are occasions that require a little boost before you can connect, and that is where questions to get to know someone come in to save the day. The trick here is to ask specific questions that will keep the conversation going and usher you into the person’s world and what makes them tick.
Whether you are working with a new group of people or just met someone new, these get-to-know-you questions will serve as the perfect ice breakers and help you get to know them. Perhaps you can also check out our other getting-to-know-you questions, ice breakers, and other conversation starters.
Best Questions To Ask To Get To Know Someone
The best questions to ask when you want to get to know someone would be the ones that revolve around the person’s life – past and present and their life aspirations. It might not be easy asking someone you just met these questions, especially if you are the shy type, but they go a long way in bridging the gap created by awkward silent moments. The following carefully selected questions are some of the best questions to get to know someone.
1. When do you celebrate your birthday?
This is the best place to start asking questions to get to know someone, especially when you don’t know where to start. Birthdays are often treasured, and most people get excited talking about their special day. You can spice things up by asking about any special event linked to their big day. Also, who knows, you guys might have something in common through your birthdays or zodiac sign. This question is a perfect pick when you are just meeting the person for the first time.
2. Where did you spend your childhood?
Childhood memories are always fun to reminisce about, and most importantly, they reveal a lot about where a person is coming from and what they have been through. Thus, this is a nice question to ask someone you want to know more about. The question can lead to a lengthy conversation that can see you both sharing childhood memories, which are likely going to reveal a lot. Regardless of the stories shared, try not to be judgy.
3. Does your job make you feel accomplished?
That you can pay your bills through that job of yours doesn’t mean you feel accomplished doing it. Some people just go about their daily duties at work like zombies to make ends meet. Asking this question will enlighten you about what the person feels about their job. Are they happy with the job or just managing to get by one step at a time? Nonetheless, people value things differently, and you should keep an open mind about this.
4. Do you like cats or dogs?
Not everyone likes animals, whether cats or dogs, and it’s okay not to want them around. Nonetheless, it doesn’t harm anyone to ask this question to be sure. If things go well, both of you might go for either cat or dog and bond on that. Likewise, fun and emotional stories about past pets can come up and lead to more exciting reveals if you are both animal lovers.
5. What is your favorite food?
Even passionate foodies have that one food they can’t say no to. This is one of the best questions to ask when you wish to get to know someone, as through eating habits, you can learn a lot about the person. Details like if they like junk or healthy foods can help when you want to pick a place to eat or hang out. Notwithstanding, having diverse interests in food doesn’t mean you can’t have a healthy relationship. The essence of the question is to get to know the person.
6. What are your hobbies?
Hobbies are those activities people indulge in whenever they can afford some leisure time. People engage in their hobbies when they want to relax, which is a perfect way to bond if you’re going to get to know someone. Asking about a person’s hobby gives you an insight into the kind of personality they have and what makes them happy. Likewise, you two can bond if you share common interests when it comes to pastime activities or if you are just willing to explore new terrains.
7. What was your favorite subject in school?
If you want to know someone, take them on a trip to their formative years. By asking about their favorite subject in school, you can find out more than you asked for, as such questions can lead to many stories about growing up days and fun memories from school. You can also share your memories from childhood to keep the conversation on healthy ground.
8. What do you do for a living?
This is categorized among the best questions to ask if you want to get to know someone, and it is for a good reason. The kind of job you do says a lot about you and knowing what someone does for a living gives you access to a good part of their daily activities. The information might also shed light on their financial status, as the case may be. Additionally, when people talk about their jobs, you can tell if they are happy doing what they do or just getting by one day at a time.
9. Do you like watching movies?
A random question to ask someone you just met, this inquiry can lead to an in-depth conversation about some movies you have both watched. Even if the person is not a big fan, there are several movie franchises you can just ignore, and they create an avenue to have a healthy conversation. You two can also reminisce on childhood memories of movies you enjoyed back in the days, as there are always movies that are familiar to people in a certain age bracket.
10. What skill would you like to learn?
It is always a good idea to acquire skills irrespective of your level of education and line of work. Thus, most people now have one or two skills they have mastered, and some are still aspiring to join the train. You can ask the person you wish to know more about the kind of skills they want to go for. The conversation can also bend towards discussing the potential that comes with learning such skills and what they can be used for. This is one question you can learn a lot from, not just for getting to know someone.
Personal Questions to Get to Know Someone Deeply
Before you take the questions personally, you must have passed through the initial stages of getting to know someone. Apparently, there is a limit to how deep and personal you can go on the first date, but subsequently, you can gradually introduce some personal questions to get to know someone on a deeper level. The same thing applies to someone you are just meeting, not necessarily on a date.
11. What are you most scared of in life?
Even the strongest person has fears. When you ask someone about their biggest fears, you ask for personal details that they probably wouldn’t share without a nudge. If the person is sincere, you will get an idea of what their biggest fears are, and it might lead to broader conversations about those things that worry them and what they represent. It is important to steer away from being judgemental about the answer here.
12. What is that thing or the person that inspires you to work hard
There is always something or someone who makes you work harder every day. From parents to kids and just the satisfying feeling of being successful, different things matter to different people. Therefore, asking this question aims to bring to the fore where the person’s priorities lie. Through the answer, it would be easy to under what motivates the person to wake up every day to hustle.
13. Who do you see as your hero?
Most people have someone they look up to or someone they consider their hero for one reason or the other. If you want to go personal, ask this question to know the people that matter the most to the person you want to know better. The conversation can be taken to different levels that might lead to an elaborate history of how they started looking up to the person and the circumstances that led to it. Though most people consider their parents their heroes, it shouldn’t surprise them to find out that their hero is a total stranger.
14. What is your favorite family ritual?
Most families have traditions that bind them, and every member looks forward to keeping them. This get-to-know-you question sheds light on the person’s family and the kind of bond they share. While this is an excellent get-to-know-you question to ask someone you just met, consider that some people are not family-oriented and look out for the signs. You don’t need to make someone uncomfortable with topics they don’t want to venture into. As such, only ask this question if the person is comfortable talking about family.
15. What three things turn you off in a relationship?
This is a way of picking a person’s brains to know what makes them angry, and even though they won’t say everything you need to hear, you will have something to work with. People react differently to things and if you are trying to get to know someone, asking about what makes them angry the most is a way of ensuring a hitch-free relationship. Asking for three things that turn the person off is a way of widening the chances of getting more information out of them.
16. What do you hate about your job?
You don’t expect a definite answer to this question, especially if they are very happy with their job. But, if there is something that doesn’t sit well with them at the place of work, the conversation is sure to get pretty interesting with details of who or what makes the working place uncomfortable for them. Of course, sharing your own work experience makes the conversation even more interesting.
17. What do you love the most about your job?
While some people hate their jobs, or maybe part of it, some others have something that keeps them going on the job. It could be that they are in for the money or feel accomplished doing what they do. Whatever the case may be, you will get to know someone better if they tell you more about their job and why they chose to do what they do for a living. If the person loves their job, it’s a plus as the conversation will get pretty interesting.
18. What is your take on surprises?
Before you surprise someone, it would be nice to know what they think about surprises. Not everyone likes to be taken by surprise, and you don’t want to feel embarrassed after going through the stress of surprising someone only to be greeted with disdain. So, if you have plans to date this person, it would be sensible to find out how they feel about surprises just in case.
19. What are your short or long-term goals?
This is a way to go personal while asking questions to get to know someone. Their answer about their future goals would indeed reveal a lot, especially about their forthcoming plans, and you can tell if you would be comfortable with them. Additionally, getting someone to talk about their goals in life is a nice way to keep a conversation going while getting to know them. However, not everyone has goals set out for the future, so it’s not something you insist on if the answer is not forthcoming.
20. What would you spend your money on if you won the lottery?
It would be fun hearing what the person has to say about this, as there are just so many things to do if you suddenly find yourself with a fat cheque as a lottery winner. You can take turns to share the first thing you would spend on if you won the lottery. The things someone decides to binge on once a huge amount of money comes in say a lot about who they are. Notwithstanding, you can’t fault someone for thinking of crazy ways to spend money they didn’t work hard for.
Intimate questions to get to know someone
Before you go intimate with your questions to get to know someone, you must have created a comfortable environment with the forgoing. Intimate questions go deeper and should not be used when you meet someone for the first time. Whenever you feel it’s the appropriate time, the following questions can help you know someone better.
21. Are you an extrovert or an introvert?
While many people would say they possess the traits of both extroverts and introverts, some others know where they belong, and learning this about the person gives you an advantage of forming a healthy relationship with them. An introvert may be hard to relate with as they don’t always express their feelings openly, and on the other hand, an extrovert makes it easy to communicate with them as they are often easygoing but watch out for pet peeves.
22. Have you done any crazy thing in the name of love?
Who hasn’t? If you look back, you might remember something from the past that will seem crazy now, but at the time, it was perfectly normal because you were doing it for love. It could be stalking your crush, leaving secret love notes, or buying some white elephant gifts to impress the one you love. Whatever it was that happened in the past, a discussion about crazy things done in the name of love will be an interesting one but try not to judge to avoid taking away the fun.
23. Are you a collector of anything?
You would be surprised to hear about the things people collect and how many of those things they already have in their cache. A collector is a person who has a passion or even an obsession with a particular item or items with a huge number of it collected and kept in storage. They could be a collector of shells, bottle covers, or currencies; the interesting thing about it is how much it matters to them. Unraveling this part of a person is a huge step towards getting to know them.
24. How do you keep fit?
This might be a way of complimenting their body fitness or, on the contrary, telling them they need to get cracking at the gym. You can get to know someone better by hearing about their fitness regime, and if by any chance you two share some things in common about this topic, you can leverage it to bond better. Perhaps you can schedule your next jogging or hiking together.
25. Who was your first crush while growing up, and how did it end?
You can hardly find a grown-up who didn’t have a crush while growing up. It could be their teacher, a neighbor, or a celebrity that made them blush. This question is not just an intimate way of getting to know someone but will lead to a nice conversation about past exploits in the love department and the funny way things ended. It is important that you keep an open mind on this if you want to make the most of it and get them to share more intimate details.
26. Do you have a love interest?
Another way of asking if they are in a relationship at the moment, this questions probes into the person’s personal space to know if someone occupies their heart. You might as well be asking to know if you are the one they hold dear to their heart, so don’t be surprised when the conversation turns into a confession of feelings for you. Likewise, don’t be disappointed if you are not the love interest.
27. Do you have any pet peeves, and what are they?
Getting someone to share their pet peeves is as personal as it gets. Pet peeves are those things that annoy someone in a special way. Others might find nothing wrong with something, but it particularly annoys someone else. It could be something as trivial as wearing street shoes inside the house or leaving the toilet seat open. Overall, knowing someone’s pet peeves is a big step toward getting to know them better.
28. What is your favorite song that gets you on the dance floor?
Even the worst dancers have that song that they can’t resist. This question is an interesting way to bond with someone and may see the two of you swaying to some music on the dance floor. It doesn’t matter if the person is not a fan of music, ask the question and watch the fun unfold as you both share your favorite songs and perhaps dance to them.
29. How would you like to spend your birthday?
Birthday is usually a treasured day for people, and they want to do something special on the day. Their biggest desire could be to fly to a distant country or continent, eat at a fancy restaurant or go on a picnic with loved ones. By asking this question, you get to know the kind of activities that makes the person happy. If you know these things, you can as well make those wishes come true on their next birthday.
30. What is your most treasured possession?
You might be surprised to learn that the possession is something you consider worthless but don’t judge as it might mean the world to the person. Most times, people grow a sentimental attachment to things, especially if it was a gift or belonged to a loved one that is no more. Whatever the case may be, someone’s most cherished possession probably means the world to them, and it would be nice to respect that.
Questions To Ask To Get To Know Someone Romantically
Sometimes you need to probe hard to get to know someone romantically, especially if they are the reserved type. Getting to know someone romantically is necessary if you have the intention of starting a romance together. The following questions will pierce through the wall they have built around them as they gradually relax and spill the beans.
31. What is your take on public display of affection (PDA)?
PDAs can be fun when you do it with the right person who shares mutual sentiments about the act. However, it can also get awkward if your partner doesn’t feel comfortable displaying their romantic feelings for everyone to see. Thus, before you engage in such actions with someone, it would be nice to find out what they think about it. This is one of the questions to get to know someone that helps you explore the preferences of your partner or potential partner on a romantic level.
32. Do you believe in love at first sight?
If you want to know how much of a hopeless romantic the person is, this question is a good place to start. Some people comfortably believe it is cool to fall in love after seeing someone for the first time, while others think you need time to build the feelings. Whatever the answer might be, the ensuing conversation is the icing on the cake. You might talk about the way you felt for each other the first time you met.
33. Do you believe in happily ever after?
While it is mostly seen in fiction books and romance movies, happily ever after still exists for real-life couples. Even though the state of things in the world right now has continued to make it more difficult to find true love and even harder to keep it, some people still believe in love and aspire to find someone to spend forever with. To find out what your conversation partner feels about this, use this question but don’t push too hard to avoid spooking the person.
34. What is your best love language?
Everyone has their unique love language, and when you can deduce and speak it, things will naturally flow between you. Apparently, knowing someone’s love language is the key to forging a healthy relationship. Unfortunately, many people don’t know how to describe their love language, but that doesn’t mean it is not there; you have to search deeper to find it. When you discover and understand their love language, it will definitely change a lot about your relationship.
35. What is your idea of a romantic date?
If you throw this question to many people, you will most likely get different opinions on what an ideal romantic date should look like. From taking a walk on the beach or visiting your choice restaurant to candlelit dinner for two and a visit to the park, there are endless options. However, the person you are trying to get to know has their own special choice, and it would be nice to hear it. The information might be helpful the next time you want to go on a date.
36. Have you had a broken heart before?
Not to be taken literally, but most adults have suffered heartbreaks. If given the opportunity to tell their story, you would definitely hear one or more accounts of heartbreaks in past relationships. This might be a sensitive terrain to thread, depending on how serious the heartbreak was but asking this question is a sure way to know someone romantically, and you can share your story too to balance the equation.
37. Have you been in love before, and how did it end?
Like talking about heartbreaks, this is a sensitive road to venture into during a conversation to get to know someone, especially if you have not known each other for long. Nevertheless, if you wish to know someone romantically, exploring their past love life is one way to do it. The answer will reveal a lot about how they love, their personal love language, turn-offs, and much more. Additionally, you can learn a few things about the person by hearing why and how their past love affair ended.
38. What qualities attract you to someone?
Different strokes for different folks, right? This cliche also applies to romantic attraction. The physical and innate traits that attract one person might be what would repulse another as people react differently to things. If you wish to understand someone romantically, you must understand the things they find attractive in another person. This will also help you know to what extent you can fit into their love life.
39. What do you look for in a relationship?
Sometimes, a person’s intentions can be clearly understood by simply asking them some well-thought-out questions. Are they looking for a romantic partner, casual sex partner, best friend, or someone they can grow old with? This question is one of the indirect ways to find out what someone wants from you over time. Aside from knowing what they want from you, you can also deduce the kind of traits the person wants to see in a relationship.
40. What makes you feel loved the most?
It might sound trivial to the next person, but people have different ideas about love and the things that make them feel loved the most. It could be to receive attention from their partner to Mr. A while Mr. B would go for good sex or gifts. Whatever the case may be, if you want to know someone romantically, the answer to this question will put you on the right track. Knowing what makes someone feel loved the most is a huge step to making them feel happy and fulfilled in a relationship.