Thought-provoking questions for couples are questions that seek to answer the hows and whys of a relationship/marriage, as well as provide the solutions for some hitherto nagging problems between couples. These are questions that get couples to really think before responding because the answers to the questions are very crucial to the well-being of their relationship.
With the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it is very easy for couples to lose touch with each other, thereby causing their connections to wane and the intimacy levels in the relationship to decrease. To preserve the sanctity of love and commitment between couples, thought-provoking questions for couples help to repair broken bonds, keep the ball rolling and fan the romantic flames of a relationship.
In this article, there are 50 thought-provoking questions for couples that can be asked on a date night, during couple therapy, or when making amends after a conflict. These questions can also serve as helpful ice breakers when trying to make up after a quarrel.
Getting To Know You Questions For Couples
Getting to know you questions for couples are questions designed to help couples know each other better and create an avenue for them to understand themselves. Oftentimes, people in relationships tend to assume or conclude about certain aspects of their partner’s lives and personalities. However, to improve your relationship with your spouse or lover, here are sample questions you can ask to get to know them better instead of jumping to conclusions.
1. How would you describe your teenage self?
Every adult was once a teenager and talking about your teenage self can give more insight into the kind of choices that you had to make. If you are trying to get to know your spouse/partner better and what they think of their past, let them describe their teenage self. This simple question is one of the thought-provoking questions for couples that can provide you both with deeper insights.
2. What major three events shaped your life?
Some events can shape your life and everyone has experienced at least one of such circumstances. It could be a travel experience or a bout of illness. This question is one of the thought-provoking questions you can ask your partner to get to know them better, as well as gain a deeper understanding of the kind of person you are in a relationship with.
3. How satisfied are you with your life right now?
There is a difference between actually living and merely existing. Part of living is accepting and being satisfied with life as it is. Is your partner satisfied with their life? Do they feel inadequate in their life? Is there a particular achievement that they are pursuing and won’t stop until they attain it? A thought-provoking question like the above is one of the very deep questions you should ask your partner if you want to get to know them.
4. What are the life opportunities you feel you have missed out on?
Almost everyone has certain opportunities they feel they have missed out on. It could be a job opportunity, a college choice, or a relationship. Asking your partner about the life opportunities they think they have missed out on can be either therapeutic or a bit of a trigger, either way, the question is important. Getting to know someone means knowing both their victories and losses.
5. On a scale of 0-10, how will you rate your mental wellbeing?
A lot of people are not very conscious about their mental well-being or rather choose not to concern themselves with it. But it is very important because a sound body requires a sound mind and mental health is as important as physical health. If your spouse/partner has been acting a bit emotionally unavailable, this question is important because it will help the both of you check in on where your emotional/psychological state of mind is.
6. What is that one memory you wish you can erase forever?
Everyone alive has some sort of demons they are fighting and memories they wish they can forever erase. Asking your partner about the one memory they wish they can erase forever, may unearth a painful memory, but being in a relationship requires sharing both sweet and bitter memories. This is one of the thought-provoking questions for couples that will also help you get to know your spouse/partner better.
7. How will you describe your conflict management style?
Knowing your husband/wife/lover’s conflict style is one of the important routes to getting to know your partner. Everyone has a conflict management style and way of handling disputes. There are five main types of conflict styles, namely: Competing, Avoiding, Compromising, Accommodating, and Collaborating. This question will help you understand your partner’s behavior during times of conflict in your relationship.
8. What is your greatest weakness?
A person’s weakness is usually their Achilles’ heel and you must know your partner’s weakness to know them better. Weaknesses are part and parcel of a person.
9. What is your biggest strength?
It is not enough to know just weakness. Strengths and weaknesses go hand in hand. If you want to know your partner’s weaknesses, you should also know their strength, as the knowledge of both will help you get to know your partner on a much deeper level.
10. If you are to spend a million dollars in one day, what will you buy?
Knowing how financially responsible your partner is can be helpful in a relationship. This question will help you find out your spouse’s spending habits and what they are most likely to spend more money on. Finances and financial responsibilities are very important aspects of every relationship and knowing your partner’s spending habits is very necessary.
Serious Questions For Couples
Relationships are not a walk in a random park or a child’s play and if you are in a committed relationship, certain conversations must be had and certain questions must be asked for the relationship to work. Whether you are dating, courting, or married, some questions are unavoidable and should be asked to create conversations that are valuable for you and your spouse/partner.
11. Do you think we need some time away from each other?
If there have been reoccurring conflicts, arguments, and quarrels between you and your spouse/partner, then this question will come in handy. This is a serious question for serious situations. Sometimes people in relationships need some time away from each other to find their way back and rebuild their relationship.
12. Is there something that you feel you are not doing right?
This is another serious question that needs to be asked. Sometimes people in relationships find it difficult to admit to themselves that there is something they are not doing right and that thing could be causing problems in their relationship. Asking your partner a thought-provoking question like this allows them to search for themselves and maybe finally admit that they need to do better at certain things.
13. Are we compatible sexually?
Sexual compatibility is very important in a marriage or a romantic relationship. Oftentimes, people tend to shy away from questions regarding sexual compatibility but some questions must be asked and one of such serious questions, is about sexual compatibility.
14. What are the things you cannot compromise for this relationship?
Compromises are an integral part of any human relationship, however, there are certain things that some people may never compromise, no matter how important the relationship is to them. One of the serious questions you need to ask your significant other is the question about the things they cannot compromise. It could be their religious affiliation, family values, or something else. Either way, a knowledge of what cannot be compromised will help you not to have certain expectations.
15. What duties do you feel I am failing in?
No person is a good judge of their character and as such, if you are trying to find out the aspects of your relationship and duties to your spouse that you are failing in, you should ask your partner. As this will help the both of you gain clarity.
16. What are the things you are trying to change about me?
It is not always healthy to change an adult and their behavioral patterns. However, most people try to change their wife/husband/lover and the results are usually not very encouraging. It is necessary to find out what your significant other has been trying to change about you, as it will open up deeper conversations about both of you.
17. Is there enough humor in this relationship?
Humor is a very important ingredient in life and healthy relationships need a very generous dose of it. Find out your partner’s perspectives on the degree of humor in your relationship and see if it needs improvement. However, there is no such thing as overdosing on humor.
18. What is the ratio of the highs and lows in this relationship?
This is another very serious thought-provoking question that needs to be asked. Relationships need periodic reviews and as such, you and your partner need to measure how things are going with you both. If the lows are more than the highs, then there is a serious problem that needs to be fixed.
19. Will you be able to handle us being in a long-distance relationship for up to a year or more?
For couples who have been in each other’s physical presence throughout their relationship, being away from each other may put a strain on their relationship. Long-distance relationships are not easy but when couples put their heart to it, it can work out. But the distance could be a deal-breaker for some people, find out if it is a deal-breaker for your partner.
20. What secret sacrifices do you think you have made for us?
People in relationships make sacrifices now and then. Some of those sacrifices could be done in secret for the benefit of the relationship. It is not a bad idea to ask your partner the secret sacrifices they may have made for the well-being of the relationship.
Romantic and Relationship Questions For Couples
To keep the fires of passion burning in a relationship, there are questions that couples can ask each other to improve their relationship and maintain the romance between them. The following questions are suitable for you to try.
21. What is the longest amount of time you can endure us staying apart?
Staying apart could be a great discomfort for some couples. However, in the event of life circumstances, sometimes it can become inevitable that partners or spouses stay away from each other. Asking your significant other how long they think they can endure staying apart from you is a necessary relationship question to ask.
22. Is there anyone around me that makes you feel insecure or jealous?
Jealousy and feelings of insecurity come naturally for some people in a relationship. This question is an important relationship question as it will open your eyes to certain details that you may have missed. Oftentimes, a husband/wife/lover can feel jealous and insecure over things that their partner may consider petty or insignificant.
23. What places will you like us to visit together?
Traveling together is a form of romance in a relationship. Talk about the places your partner or spouse would like to visit with you and it can become part of the to-do list of things to do together as a couple.
24. How will you describe our intimate moments?
Intimacy is not only about sex. It could be time spent together cuddling, meditating, reading, or any other activities couples spend time together doing. Having your partner describe your intimate moments together is romantic and fulfilling.
25. What do you think is your love language?
Everyone has a love language. It could be acts of service, gifts, physical touch, words of affirmation, or quality time. Finding out which of these love languages is your partner’s, is sure to improve the romance in your relationship, as well as the relationship in general.
26. What are the items on your romantic bucket list?
Most people in relationships have some romantic activities on their bucket list. Talking about the things on your partner’s romantic bucket list is sure to have a positive effect on both of you as you converse on the best ways to accomplish them.
27. How would you describe the first day we met?
This is a romantic question that is sure to elicit sweet memories. For couples, talking about the first day they met is a good memory lane to walk on because it gives an ample opportunity to look back and appreciate how far they have come.
28. What is your dream wedding?
Weddings are beautiful whether they are big or small. For couples who are engaged and planning their wedding or simply dating, this is one of the necessary relationship questions that should be asked.
29. What will you consider the best anniversary gift?
Anniversary gifts are a thing and sometimes they may not be material gifts. If you wish to fan the flames of romance in your relationship, you should consider gifting your partner what they see as their best anniversary gift on your next anniversary.
30. When was the last time you dreamt of me?
This is a very sweet romantic question. Lovers often dream of their significant other, so, let him/her, tell you the last time they dreamt of you and what the dream was about.
Bonding Questions For Couples
Building intimacy for couples should transcend beyond sexual intercourse. There are other ways to build intimacy between you and your partner and that includes asking relevant thought-provoking questions that will improve the bonds in your relationship. Here are some examples:
31. Is our relationship your safe place?
This is one of the most thought-provoking questions for couples that we think every person in a romantic relationship should be able to answer. A marriage or a courtship is supposed to be a safe place for the people in it. Find out if your partner or spouse considers the union a safe space. His/her response is sure to improve the bond in your relationship regardless of what their answer may be. Getting a “no” only opens the door for deeper conversations that can fix the situation.
32. What are the fantasies you would like us to explore?
Most people have fantasies they would love to explore with their significant other and talking about it with the love of their life is going to create room for more bonding and intimacy.
33. What will you describe as a perfect day in our relationship?
A perfect day means different things for different people. Having your partner or spouse tell you what they will consider a perfect day, will help you figure out more ways to improve the bond in your relationship by helping to create more perfect days.
34. If you could write a book about our sex life, what would be the title?
This is something naughty to bond over. From your partner’s response, you both can gain a deeper understanding of how your sex life has been because sex itself is a form of bonding.
35. How best do you think we can resolve our conflicts?
This is a very important question that will strengthen the bond between couples. Asking questions about the best ways to resolve conflicts is sure to help improve the stability of a relationship because both partners get to talk things through and figure out the best way to resolve issues without putting a strain on the relationship overall.
36. What is the most unique thing about us?
Every relationship and by extension every couple is unique and there is something that sets them apart from any other couple or relationship. Bonding over the thing or things that you both feel are unique about your relationship is necessary and healthy for the progression of your marriage or courtship.
37. Why do you think we argue a lot?
If spats are becoming too frequent between you two, then it should be addressed. Couples should be able to ask each other why they think they argue a lot to fix the problems and by so doing, improve the bond in the relationship.
38. How best can we remain crazy about each other even when we are old?
Some couples lose touch as the years go by and grow distant from each other. A question like this is going to strengthen the bond between you two, because brainstorming on how best to remain crazy about each other for decades to come, is one of the thought-provoking questions for couples that need to be addressed, especially for bonding.
39. To what extent do you think kids will impact our relationship?
Most people want to have kids as a couple but only very few people understand the huge difference kids make in the lives of every couple. For some, kids strengthen the bonds of their relationship/marriage and for others, kids can create a lacuna. If you are trying to work on your bonds as a couple and there are no kids between you yet, then kids should be discussed.
40. What is the worst thing that can happen to our relationship?
This is a question that will create deep bonding conversations because talking about the worst thing or things that could happen to your relationship can prove beneficial to the overall health of your relationship as a couple. This is because you both can rub minds and bond over ways to avoid the worst thing or things from happening.
How Well Do You Know Me Questions For Couples
You may think you know your spouse or partner, but how well do they know you? It is not enough to only know and understand your spouse/partner, they should be able to know you just as well and also understand you. Couples need to know each other well enough to be able to improve upon and maintain their relationship. Here are some worthy thought-provoking questions for couples on “how well do you know me” to try.
41. What is my greatest weakness?
If your partner/spouse can give an accurate response to this question, it just means you have been very vulnerable around them and vulnerability is allowed in committed relationships.
42. If I had to choose between my parents, who will I choose?
Most people have a favorite of their parents. Find out how much your partner knows you by asking them if you can choose between either of your parents.
44. Would I rather get into a street fight or hire a thug?
This question has a little bit of humor in it because your partner’s response will help you realize what they think of you when it comes to physical altercations. Are you the type to throw your own punches or hire someone else to do it for you? A This or That question like this will allow your partner to tell you what they think of you.
45. What do I admire the most about you?
This is one of the thought-provoking questions for couples that should be asked as a part of the “how well do you know me” kind of question. A husband/wife/lover should be able to know what their significant order admires the most about them.
46. What do I spend the most money on?
Your spouse/partner should be able to know what you spend the most money on if they know you well enough.
47. What is my favorite activity?
This should be pretty easy for your spouse/partner to answer. Couples usually know the favorite activity of each other.
48. When did you think I fell in love with you?
This is one of the thought-provoking questions for couples that you cannot afford not to ask because it will give you an idea of how well your partner knows you. If they can pinpoint the time they think you fell in love with them and their response is correct, then be rest assured that they know you and understand your behavioral patterns. And as such, they will be able to tell if you are ever falling out of love with them.
49. How would you describe my temper in two words?
A partner that knows their significant other well enough will be able to describe their temperament. If you want to know just how well your husband/wife/lover knows you, this is one of the important questions you should ask.
50. What makes me happy?
This question is top of the list of deep thought-provoking questions for couples you should ask your partner to find out how well they know you. Do they know what makes you happy? It is a very necessary question.
… For couples, one of the ways to constantly check in with the progress of your relationship or marriage is to periodically have a heart-to-heart conversation that involves asking some really deep thought-provoking questions that are very important and valuable.