Unless you want to set yourself up for a serious heartbreak and/or unnecessary drama, there are questions to ask your girlfriend before investing your heart further in a relationship. Even when you are convinced she likes you as much as you are crazy about her, you still have to find out important facts; ranging from if she is ready for a committed relationship or just looking for something casual to her expectations from romantic relationships and what have you. Love is important but many relationships have failed because those involved only counted on it to see them through.
So, while you proclaim your undying love for her and she calls you her heartbeat, save yourself some avoidable headaches by figuring out if you are compatible, how she handles changes and the unexpected, if her plans for the future is something you want to be a part of, and things of that sort. That you must ask these questions doesn’t mean you have to bore her with them as though she’s facing a panel or having some interview. Just subtly find answers to the following questions while conversing or hanging out with her. It should be fun and you should come across as someone who’s super interested in knowing everything about her.
Hard Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend To Test Compatibility
Indeed, you don’t have to be completely compatible with someone to have a meaningful relationship with them. What constitutes a problem is when you have absolutely nothing in common, with several factors that are bound to stir conflicts between the two of you. The importance of some measure of compatibility in a relationship is often emphasized for several reasons that boil down to the fact that people are hardly happy or having fun when they spend time with people they are not compatible with. It could amount to a serious waste of time to make a long-term commitment to someone you are not suited with; you should test compatibility before that.
1. Which is most important for you; to be happy or to be successful?
More than being a fun and interesting question to ask your girlfriend, this would lay a foundation for you to have a meaningful and deep-rooted conversation with your partner. Her answer should provide insight on her life purpose, if she is someone that would find fulfillment with having a family, in having a career, or both. Dig into what happiness means to her and explore what she considers as success, ultimately, you would learn a whole lot about her aspirations and be in a better place to decide if they are not conflicted with yours.
2. How do you think your friends see you?
This question is like a trick that invites her to tell you who she is, or who she believes she is. Asking direct questions like “who are you” can be off-putting and prepare someone that doesn’t want to talk about who they really are for laying down some misleading information while discussing their personality. But from the perspective of how their friends see them, they are more likely to open up and provide insightful details they normally wouldn’t have shared about themselves.
3. How long does it take you to decide and make up your mind on something?
If you are not someone suited for patience, you would have a hard time coping with someone who takes forever to make decisions on simple matters. While this does not seem to be a big deal, it says a lot about your partner and what you are getting into if you have plans for a long-term commitment. Yes, she can take all the time she wants to make up her mind on issues, but an indecisive partner can also question your commitment to her from time to time and that can be frustrating.
4. What is the best quality you like in people?
The essence of this question is not far-fetched. It revolves around getting to know the kind of people she can get along with and what she wouldn’t tolerate from anyone. Now, you should know who you are; with that in mind and the answer she provided, do you think you are someone she wouldn’t have an issue with when you get closer to her? You should answer that before things get any more serious between the two of you. You don’t want to commit your heart to someone that only tolerates your personality; it makes a sad experience.
5. What about you do people find irritating?
You have to get the timing right for this question to have a chance at receiving a sincere answer. People can go all out to tell or hint at their good qualities but would never open up about their flaws, especially if they are very aware of it and pretty unhappy about it. Don’t force this question, allow it to come up naturally and see what you learn. If she feels comfortable enough to provide a sincere answer, you would realize how it is a very good compatibility question to ask your girlfriend before the relationship gets serious.
6. What is totally unpardonable for you?
People keep tolerating messy situations in a relationship instead of getting out of it because they have invested so much of their heart and time into it. It is not a situation you want to find yourself in, and it can be avoided by asking this question, you get to learn the line you shouldn’t cross and as well a chance to indicate what you wouldn’t condone from a partner. More so, you can learn through it how reasonable and understanding she is, depending on the scenarios you present to her as you conserve.
7. A saver or a spender: which best describes you?
Someone that is devoted to planning and managing personal financial activities like income generation, investing, saving, and spending might find someone who doesn’t care much about that incompatible. The reason for this is quite clear, it’s simply difficult to plan or hope for building a financially stable future with someone who first thinks of spending the moment there’s an income. If this is important for you, you shouldn’t rely only on her answer, just pay attention to her and you are bound to uncover her relationship with money, it isn’t something that stays hidden.
8. Would you rather go out with friends or stay indoors?
This is a valid compatibility question to ask your girlfriend; it is one of those things you will learn about as the relationship progresses. But then, you might have committed so much of your resource before you realize that this can constitute a problem; so it’s best to trash it out from the onset. There is nothing wrong with being a party freak, just be certain it is something you would be comfortable with as the years run by. You shouldn’t get into a serious relationship based on the hope that someone would change a lifestyle that is not compatible with who you are.
9. What is the most important value you wouldn’t forsake?
It’s easier to expect that you can respect someone’s judgment of what’s important in life than it is to actually do so, especially if the person is someone close to you and what they regard in direct contrast with your principles. Given that, it is only ideal you find out your lover hasn’t internalized something you greatly abhors, it can be a recipe for a disastrous relationship that would have you two despising each other for a long time after parting ways.
10. What is the most thoughtful thing someone did for you?
Another fun question to ask your girlfriend and get the conversation going while you are hanging out, this is also a chance to learn about what’s important to her. From this question, you can learn if she is materialistic or someone that finds meaning in simple gestures. People are what they are for whatever reason and we are not calling the shots on what’s right and what’s not; the point is for you to know if who she is, is suitable for who you are; that’s all.
11. Would you say religion is important to you?
This is a valid question for testing compatibility. Religious people can have a lot of boundaries and things they wouldn’t want to be a part of, which is alright. Yes, religious and irreligious people can have a fine relationship if they understand each other. This question helps you gauge how much she is willing to understand when it comes to religion. Would she still be cool with you if you go about expressing views that are against her religious beliefs? Can you avoid seizing any chance you get to make her see things the way you do? All of these matter if you want to consolidate on what you are having with her.
12. Would you rather be beautiful or brainy?
Be careful with this question to avoid coming off as though you are suggesting she isn’t beautiful enough or brainy enough. The essence of the question is to figure out if she is attracted to the outward or the inward. Whatever the case may be, neither of them is wrong. It’s only a way of assessing her personality and crosschecking if there is anything thereof that raises a red flag when compared to yours.
13. What would you consider a perfect future for you?
This is a very important question to ask your girlfriend before making a serious commitment. People want what they want and there is nothing wrong with that, however, everything is wrong with being caught up in something you didn’t want for yourself in the name of love. It would amount to a lot of dissatisfaction with life and possibly, depression. If your individual plans for the future would set each of you on an incompatible path, you should have reasons to worry.
14. How do you cope with people who disagree with you?
If you know anything about relationships, then you don’t need to be told that you and your partner would have reasons to disagree with each other on certain occasions. This is not a problem, in fact, it is normal. It only becomes an issue when one of you can’t take it, or is prone to deliberately embracing the opposite view for whatever reason. The absence of tolerance for opposing opinions in any relationship often spells problems.
15. Have you ever been involved in a physical altercation?
Was she defending herself from an attack or did she initiate the physical altercation? If she initiated it, why did she do so? Answer to these questions can help you better understand who she is and what she is capable of. Domestic violence is not a hoax and avoidable, this question is the first step towards that. Of course, it is unlikely that a violent someone would willingly profess that he or she is violent. So be cunning with this question and don’t rely on the answer you get alone, look out for how she resolves conflict.
Tough Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend Before You Take The Relationship to a Serious Phase
Trying to have a serious relationship with someone who is not ready or cut out for it can leave you asking yourself serious questions about your life choices when it’s all done. Beyond knowing if you are compatible with your girlfriend, there are other things you should know about her before you settle for a serious relationship. To avoid being part of the statistics on people who have rushed in and out of marriage, you should ask your partner the following questions to ascertain you are both on the same page.
16. What do you do to make me happy that you do not really like?
When someone loves being with you, they can go out of their way to make you happy. Because of this, people tend to assume the special treatment would continue and are left dissatisfied when things change. What you like most about her in terms of how she treats you might just be something she does because you like it and not because she enjoys it. Check this out before you commit further. It is unlikely that anyone would keep doing what they don’t like in the long run to keep their partner happy.
17. How do you know you are loved and appreciated?
People have different love languages, so you can love her all you want yet she feels unloved and unappreciated. This can cause serious problems in the long run and she might want to opt-out of the relationship. While it is romantic and a solid plus to you to figure out her love language, you should ask her this question to be sure you are not missing something. While for some it’s the act of service and receiving quality time, for others it ranges from physical touch to receiving gifts and words of affirmation.
18. Do you have any mental health problems?
Anxiety, depression, psychotic, and trauma-related disorders are only a few of the mental health issues that can affect one’s quality of life. It is really not difficult to see how they can become a problem for any relationship, especially when one partner doesn’t know the other is a sufferer. It chops off the room for being understanding and supportive towards the sufferer and can create a bunch of messy situations that are very much avoidable. So, this is indeed an important question to ask your girlfriend before taking things to the next level.
19. What is your genotype?
While this doesn’t seem to be an issue in most developed nations because of the rarity of sickle sex disease, it’s a big deal in underdeveloped nations and parts of Africa where it has become very necessary to ask for someone’s genetic makeup at the beginning of a relationship. Knowing one’s genotype before making them a life partner can save a lot of stress as one gets to trash out any compatibility issues that could cause serious problems, especially when it comes to having kids.
20. What is your credit report like?
You don’t want to get married to someone and realize they are in debt. Somehow it becomes your debt too and it is only okay for you to know if it is something you want to take on or not. For someone you love, fighting over money can ruin the spark and things might never get to be the same again. So as uncomfortable as it may seem, you should ask her about this.
21. Would you take on the responsibility of taking care of your parents when they retire?
If your girlfriend is very close to her parents, then you should consider sorting out this topic before making further commitments to the relationship. Does she intend to have her parents live with her when they retire? Are you okay with that? What plans does she have to finance them through retirement? Is it something that would become your responsibility as well? These are answers you should have to avoid throwing a fuss over later on. If her parents mean a lot to her, she might never look past anything that suggests you wanted her to forsake caring for them as she deemed fit.
22. Are you open to getting married and when do you want this to happen?
An increasing number of people do not think getting married is necessary and your girlfriend might belong to this population. You shouldn’t assume she wants to get married, confirm what she wants before making further commitments to the relationship. Many couples are happy as civil partners and your girlfriend might want things that way. You definitely don’t want to propose and realize she is not up for marriage.
23. Are you open to signing a prenup before marriage?
In line with the above, this is also a crucial question to ask your girlfriend. If you are both looking to get married, you should talk about getting a prenuptial agreement. With the way you love her and how she regards you, it is easy to ignore this. But the fact is that prenuptial agreement makes a separation process easier with less nasty fights. If you have significant assets or she has plans to incur a significant debt for whatever reason, getting a prenuptial agreement is something to definitely consider. However, be careful about this, there is nothing romantic about it and it can ruin the love between the two of you.
24. In what ways do you expect marriage to change our relationship?
Unmet expectations have brought about the end of so many marriages. When people are dating, they ignore some things, assuming it would change once they get married. Sometimes it does, but when it doesn’t, it becomes a huge cause of worry and disappointment that can have one seeking to opt-out of the marriage. If you aren’t someone that likes doing house chores, she would be gravely mistaken to think marriage would change that. Get to know what she expects from you as a life partner and decide if you can live up to it.
25. Would you rather live in a small or big city/are you open to relocating to another state/country?
If you are career-oriented, she might be family-oriented and unwilling to relocate with you when your career demands that. No matter how supportive of your dreams and aspirations she seems, it can be a painful mistake to assume she would be up for moving around with you. She has her own dreams and might be wired to derive satisfaction and happiness from not leaving her city or hometown.
26. What do you do as a girlfriend that you wouldn’t do as a wife?
For some people, getting married means letting go of so many things, and settling for a serious life to build a meaningful future. If your girlfriend is wild and outgoing, there is a possibility that would change once you are married. Just as you shouldn’t make serious commitments to her hoping the behavior would change, you shouldn’t assume she wouldn’t change if you enjoy that attribute. This is why people say things like: “it’s as though I married someone I never knew”. Discuss expectations.
27. Do you want to have kids and when?
While most couples have kids, not everyone wants to be a parent. Your girlfriend might want to have kids whereas you are not up for it, or it’s the other way round. To avoid problems that might emanate from that in the future, this is a crucial question to ask your girlfriend. Whatever her answer is, take it seriously. Don’t make commitments hoping she would change her mind in years to come. If she wants kids, find out when to be certain it’s alright with you.
28. How would you want to raise your kids?
Many parents have had issues with how to raise their kids. In addition to knowing if she wants to have kids and when; discuss parenting style. Would she talk to her kids about God and make them pray? Would you be okay with that? How would she deal with her kid being gay? Answers to these and questions of that sort are things you should know to avoid having a fight over your kids; many families did and never recovered from it.
29. How do you feel about adopting a child?
Some couples have faced challenges in their marriage because one of them isn’t open to having kids who are not their biological children. If she wants to have kids and you want that too, failure to conceive can create quite a tension which can be complicated by adoption issues. To avoid that, find out how she feels about adoption before taking the relationship to another phase, it is definitely a tough question to ask your girlfriend, but can be very necessary.
30. What do you regard as infidelity and how would you deal with it?
Infidelity is a major factor that has led to the separation of many couples. At times it seems like something that wouldn’t happen until it happens. Some of the people that cheated on their spouse didn’t know they were capable of that. Also, while infidelity for some people is strictly the act of having a romantic and sexual relationship with someone else, for others it includes things like innocent flirting and having intimate conversations with another person. Have this conversation with her before making a serious commitment; you don’t want to find out after marriage that your wife does not consider kissing another person a big deal.
31. How much do you want to maintain your individuality while cohabiting?
That someone agreed to be your life partner doesn’t mean they signed up for not having any form of alone-time. Relationships can be overwhelming at times and for some people, maintaining some level of individuality is refreshing and shouldn’t be denied. So before you start working towards marriage or cohabiting with your girlfriend, you should ask and understand what level of separate existence she hopes to maintain in the relationship.
32. What do you think we should do to make our relationship better?
You can be thinking everything is perfect with your relationship whereas your partner is feeling trapped, dissatisfied, or waiting for the right time to opt-out. You should ask this question; deliberate and internalize your girlfriend’s response before making further commitments to the relationship. Even after that, this is a question you should ask from time to time to ensure there are no lingering issues in your relationship.
33. What is our top priority as a couple?
The ancient sentiment of regarding a couple as an entity has caused a lot of frustrations in relationships. This is so because of the void it creates in terms of acknowledging that the people involved, almost always have different life goals and expectations. In view of that, this is a serious question to ask your girlfriend as it creates the opportunity for you and her to trash out the essence of your companionship.
34. How do you deal with stress?
Life can be very stressful, and twice so for a couple that’s building a family. If responsibilities are not properly defined and fairly delegated, it can create unnecessary problems. Deal with this from the onset and understand the level of responsibilities your girlfriend is suited to handle. How she deals with stress, and how you can be helpful to her when she is stressed.
35. What do you fear most about marriage?
The purpose of this question boils down to understanding who your girlfriend is. Assuming she came from a broken home, she might have some negative views about marriage that needs to be sorted out before you take things further. If not, her preconceived belief about marriage can become a huge source of frustration in earning her trust. Something important for any relationship to thrive.
Personal Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend That Facilitates Intimacy
Disregarding the fact that it can make your girlfriend very fond of you, personal questions would make her share details about her life that you probably might never get to know. Doing this would make her very comfortable around you and ultimately facilitate an admirable level of intimacy. You can’t force intimacy but the following questions will bring you close to that.
36. Is it better to be loved, admired, or respected?
This is a fun question to ask your girlfriend as much as it is a question that would gain you a rare insight into how she wants to be treated in a relationship. If she chooses to be admired or respected, it respectively suggests she is goal-driven and would appreciate being treated as an equal in a relationship.
37. What makes up your bucket list?
Also an interesting question to ask, your girlfriend is bound to start regarding you as someone who really knows her, and by extension, someone special once she tells you the things she hopes to do before she passes on. Indeed this is a question that would have two random people feeling close to each other even if they are just meeting for the first time
38. What do you cherish most about your childhood?
An impressive fact about this question is that it would have anyone feel you are genuinely interested in knowing them. Listen carefully to what she says and you will definitely find something that would help you attain a deeper level of intimacy with her. As hinted earlier, childhood experiences can the way one thinks of marriage.
39. When was the last time you cried and why?
It is not hard to see what this question hopes to achieve. It’s a way of assuring her that it’s okay to be vulnerable with you. If she opens up with you, her brain would kind of trick her into regarding you as someone she can be real with, someone to trust, nothing builds a stronger bond than this.
40. What is the most romantic thing you have done for someone?
For someone you aspire to have a serious relationship with, it is necessary to understand what their idea of romance is all about. You don’t need to be told why you need that information, do you?
41. What did you fancy about your first crush?
It is most likely she is no longer who she was when she first experienced crushing on someone. So the aim of this isn’t to directly earn you some knowledge on what she fancies in a partner. Instead, it is a question that can trigger a sincere conversation on the subject. If it does, explore her previous relationships, why they packed up, and what have you. But be subtle about it.
42. How do you describe me to your friends and family?
Why this is a necessary question to ask your girlfriend is not far-fetched. If you want to devote your time to nurturing a serious relationship with her, you have to know what she thinks of you. Asking this could get you somewhere around there, just listen to what she says and ask follow-up questions if need be.
43. When and how did you realize you were in love with me?
Here’s one thing to take away from this piece: it’s a waste of time and energy to keep a relationship with someone who isn’t up for it. Sometimes not being up for it simply means she doesn’t love you that way. Essentially, this is a personal question to ask to access who you are to her: a boyfriend or someone she’s only keeping around until the real deal shows up.
44. Have you ever experienced heartbreak?
At least for a moment, this would make her see you as a friend other than a lover. As such, she might drop her guards and share useful details that would inform your decision on taking the relationship to another phase. You don’t want to be striving to build a serious relationship with someone who is yet to get over an ex.
45. What is the best date we have ever had?
This is one of the questions to ask your girlfriend if you want to access how the relationship has been going. Figure out if the relationship has made meaningful progress from her perspective. You shouldn’t be thinking of taking the relationship to a serious phase if she believes it hasn’t been a progressive one.
46. What easily turns you on?
Knowing what gets her going is an obvious plus to you. You shouldn’t be worried about asking this, it’s alright, as long as she is already comfortable around you. Also, find out what turns her off. It is part of assessing compatibility and a personal question for getting intimate; it is just something you should know.
47. How did you feel the first time we kissed?
This is simply what it is, a personal question to ask your girlfriend to get an idea of how she feels about being intimate with you. Is it something she anticipates or more of a routine for her? You need to know.
48. What is your favorite sexual memory of us so far?
An extension of question no. 47, the ultimate purpose of this should be discerning what she thinks of the physical intimacy you have engaged in; is excited about it or dismissive? Again, it’s something you should know.
49. What is your secret sexual fantasy?
You might get a hint of what’s needed in the bedroom from this one. Yes, can ask this, she’s your girlfriend after all.
50. How often do you think we should be having sex?
Absolutely, this is a serious and important question to ask your girlfriend before walking down the aisle with her. You should know that many marriages have failed because of sex. Nothing should be left untouched here: how often you want it, how you like, the boundaries to observe, pornography, using sex toys, and what have you. Nothing should be left for assumptions.
When Is The Right Time To Ask Your Girlfriend Intimate Questions?
You must have heard that communication is the bedrock of any healthy relationship. You need to ask questions, intimate ones too; the only requirement is for you to do so at the right time. For instance, you can’t ask someone that only became your girlfriend yesterday when she lost her virginity. Yes, it is an intimate question to ask but that should be done when you are certain she is comfortable discussing such things with you.
It all depends on how close and comfortable you have become with each other. For someone who was your friend before she became your girlfriend, you can get right into asking intimate questions. If that’s not the case, then focus on knowing the basic things about her. You should start with personal questions, those you can ask anyone, then gradually proceed to intimate ones with time. When the time is right for it, you should be able to tell no matter how clueless you are.
To sum it all up, the point of asking any of the questions listed above is to listen really carefully and utilize the responses for decision-making regarding the next move to make in a relationship. There is no point asking if you don’t intend to take it seriously. Also, allow her to elaborate on her answers as much as possible, do not cut her short. Just listen and make mental notes.
Above all, there is a great chance she wouldn’t be sincere if you are direct with the questions, especially if she doesn’t want to lose you. So you can pay attention to what she says in a situation that relates to what you want to ask when it comes up in a conversation. Do not rush into marriage without having real discussions on things that might become an issue. No matter how uncomfortable or trivial it might seem, find a way to bring it up and trash it out.