Just in case you have been wondering “why don’t people like me?” this article will help you figure out if it is your fault and what you can do about it, or if it is actually other people’s fault that they are too blind to see how much of an awesome human you are. Everyone loves to feel loved or at least liked by the majority of people they come across. However, there are certain times or situations that force you to feel ‘unliked’ by people. The thought of “why don’t people like me?” is going to stick with you if you begin to experience a lack of connection or optimal communication between you and other people.
Should You Be Concerned About Being Disliked?
It is normal to be concerned about being liked or disliked. Wondering how others perceive you as a person is a pretty normal occurrence because nobody likes to be disliked. With our daily social interaction with other people, oftentimes we are faced with situations that make us question where we stand with others, however, for some people, it is an almost permanent condition of worrying about being disliked, and that it when it becomes a psychological problem that requires medical attention. Situations like Abuse/domestic violence, grief, low self-esteem, social anxiety, and other forms of mental and psychological conditions can also contribute to feelings or worries about being disliked; for situations like this, counseling and therapy sessions can help.
There are also situations that can make you slip into the nadir of wondering if you are liked by others. For example, a heartbreak from a romantic relationship can have you questioning yourself, if you are likable or not. People who suffer from bipolar disorder are also prone to intensely feeling hated by others.
But, it is okay to evaluate yourself and your likeability meter in order not to become an unpleasant person, what is not okay, however, is to constantly try to control how others see you or if they like you or not. This is unhealthy. You should only be very concerned if you feel there are certain things about you that may contribute to being disliked by others, especially when it seems like you are easily disliked by others at all times. In situations like that, ask yourself why don’t people like you, this should come with self-evaluation and tightening loose ends.
Why Don’t People Like Me?
The truth is, humans are not in control of how others feel or act. If you suspect that a person or people do not like you, you should also realize that it may or may not be your fault and you have no control over how or why a person feels the way they feel about you. But, there are certain things or situations that can influence whether a person or people likes or dislikes you.
There are also possible pointers and ways to know why people do not like you. These pointers could help you be more self-aware and figure out how to handle the situation or situations.
Possible Reasons Why You May Be Disliked By Other People
In as much as you have no control over how others feel about you, as we have previously stated; and you may very well be a nice person and yet still get disliked, below are some possible reasons why people may have real reasons to dislike you.
You may or may not realize it, but if you have a haughty attitude and you act arrogant, people tend to dislike it. If you constantly berate other people and have little or no empathy at all, people will dislike you.
How to fix that: Get down from your high horse. Pride goes before a fall. Be nicer and kinder to people around you. For example, if you are at a restaurant, instead of yelling your order, make a polite request.
Another flaw that can quickly earn you a spot on the list of disliked people, is if you are a gossip. Nobody likes people who gossip, and that’s because nobody feels safe around a person that gossips a lot. We all share a few gossips with our close circle once a while, however, if you are a notorious gossip who is known for talking about everyone, people will dislike you.
How to fix it: If you are not asked, don’t tell. Seek permission before sharing sensitive information. Learn to keep secrets, and try not to be in other people’s business all the time. Do not peddle rumors and if you are not sure of the information, do not share it. For example, if a colleague just got fired, do not make it your duty to announce to the rest of the workforce, that someone has been fired.
You are Nosy
Just like gossip, nobody likes other people’s noses in their business and if your hobbies include sticking your nose in other people’s businesses, you definitely will not be having a lot of people in your circle. Constantly trying to find out what’s happening with other people at every point in time is a sign of being nosy and people are going to deliberately avoid you.
How to fix it: Mind your own business at all times. Do not ask so many questions about other people and their personal business. Try not to pry into matters that are not of your concern and also respect people’s boundaries and privacy. For example, if a friend or colleague is reportedly going through a heartbreak, do not pester them to give you all the details. Avoid asking sensitive questions too.
Nagging is also top of the list of things that can get you disliked by other people. Do you complain about everything? Are you constantly finding faults in even the most mundane of things? Do you have a negative opinion on almost everything? Are you always bickering about any and everything? Then you are a nag and nobody likes that.
How to fix it: Control your emotions, learn to give benefits of the doubt, and also try not to expect so much from other people. Realize that you can not be in control of everything as nagging usually stems from trying to control the world around you. Be more considerate and practice breathing exercises to help you vent without complaining much. Ask questions before arriving at conclusions. Instead of concluding that your calls are being avoided, ask if the person has seen your calls.
You are always angry
Anger is one of the most unpleasant emotions. Nobody likes a grumpy person. Being constantly angry gives off a very bad aura and nobody likes to stay in toxic environments as needless anger exudes toxicity. If you have a short fuse and you are easily provoked by things; people will avoid you and then proceed to dislike you.
How to fix it: one of the greatest remedies to anger is delaying your reactions to things. Always count down from 10-1 whenever you are angry. Also, try anger management classes to help you curb your outbursts. Find healthy ways to vent.
If you have a trumpet in your throat and cannot register your displeasure without talking at the top of your voice; people will dislike you, especially your neighbors. A person that constantly yells is very annoying, so if you have a strong habit of yelling, do not be surprised that you are disliked by other people. Yelling is a sign of aggression and aggressiveness comes with being disliked.
How to fix it: Watch your tone of voice. Try not to be so loud when you are talking. Take note of your triggers and avoid them. Maintain control of your emotions at all times. Practice mindfulness and seek alternative ways to register your displeasure.
Dishonesty is a red flag for almost everyone because as much as not everyone handles the truth properly, nobody likes dishonesty. If you are prone to being dishonest or you have earned a reputation as an unreliable person, people will dislike you.
How to fix it: it may be difficult to make absolute amends because regaining trust after it has been broken can be very difficult. However, try to stick to the truth, if you make promises, keep to them. Do not say what you can’t do and do not make stories up. Also, if you can’t give a truthful answer to a question, refrain from replying.
You are a people pleaser
Are you constantly trying to get the approval of people around you? Do you go out of your way to seek validation at all costs even to the detriment of people around you and yourself? Nobody likes an “arse licker” and even those whose approval you try to seek will dislike you.
How to fix it: Be content with yourself. Take strong stands when you need to, always pick a side and be firm about your choices. You can’t please everyone, not even the people you are trying to desperately please.
You make up stories
Being a talented storyteller is different from cooking up stories and situations that do not exist in order to gain attention or something else. If you tell tall tales, you will be getting a lot of dislikes.
How to fix it: If it never happened, don’t make it up. If you didn’t see it happen, don’t share it.
You are an attention seeker
Do you like being the center of attraction at all times that you can go to any length to get noticed? Do you walk into a place and announce yourself in a lousy manner? Are you constantly seeking attention on social media? Well, you are going to make a lot of people dislike you.
How to fix it: Evaluate yourself and build your confidence if you realize that your attention-seeking behavior stems from low self-esteem. Also learn to focus on things that pique your interest, as well as other people. When you use social media, be moderate. You can also speak to a therapist.
You are a braggart
Bragging is generally annoying and anyone who is skilled in the act will definitely get a lot of thumbs down. So, if you know you brag about your achievements and possessions, you will be disliked.
How to fix it: Bridle your tongue more often than not. Learn to give other people credit. Do not be concerned about impressing other people.
You are always asking for favors
If you are always seeking favors or asking for favors either monetarily or otherwise from; your friends, neighbors, associates, family, or colleagues, you will be a huge turn-off to the people around you.
How to fix it: Work smarter so you can afford the things you like, be content with what you have, and do not ask other people for help unless it is absolutely necessary. Cultivate the habit of independence. Practice offering others help instead of always being the recipient.
You have poor hygiene or poor fashion sense
Poor personal hygiene or a horrible dress sense has no admirers. Nobody likes to hang around a person that stinks, has a bad breathe, or dresses in a shabby manner. If your personal hygiene is compromised, you will be disliked by the people around you and you will be avoided like you are a plague.
How to fix it: Pay more attention to your physical appearance. Always practice great personal hygiene. And if you are struggling with dressing up, read up on styling tips and also watch fashion tutorial videos.
Know it all attitude
Except you are Google, you can’t know everything. So, if you always act like a mister or miss know all, you are going to get disliked a lot.
How to fix it: Acknowledge that you cannot know it all. Ask more questions, listen more, and learn from other people. Do not be in a hurry to lend your opinion to other people and do not give unsolicited advice.
If you are constantly being told by people that you talk too much, or if people are avoiding conversations with you because you can’t seem to stop talking, you are talkative and it can lead to you being disliked.
How to fix it: Listen more, talk less. Try not to interrupt others when they are talking. Always look for the shortest way to convey your message. Observe more and showcase less.
You are a bully
Nobody likes bullies, period! If you are constantly acting like a bully or actually bullying others, nobody will like you, not even your sidekick.
How to fix it: Make genuine friends, be kind to other people, and see a behavioral psychologist.
You are mean to other people
Nobody likes a mean person. If you are mean and unkind to waiters, janitors, kids, and people in general; nobody will like you.
How to fix it: Curb Your ego, use kinder words on people. Say nicer things, control your anger, think of positive things instead of projecting your own negative emotions. Put yourself in the shoes of other people.
You are a goody-two-shoes
As much as it is a good thing to be a good person, and people are generally attracted to good people; too much of everything is bad. So, if you are “too good” to the point that it begins to feel pretentious if you seem to never do any wrong at all; and you are constantly keeping up an image of a virtuous person, people will dislike you, especially when they find out that you are not as pious as you paint yourself to be.
How to fix it: Be less judgmental, accept that everyone has a past, makes mistakes, and as well has regrets and that includes you. Try not to judge people based on your own moral compass. Loosen up and allow yourself to learn from your own imperfections
You are a control freak
Nobody likes to feel controlled, so if you are a control freak and want things to go your way every time; you will get disliked by people, especially your romantic partner.
How to fix it: Realize that you cannot control everything. Give up your ego as often as possible, let people make their own decisions, and reduce your selfish interests.
They are simply envious of you
Are you the hottest person in college? Do you own the latest car? Are you the smartest person at your work or school? These good qualities could fetch you a handful of people who dislike you simply because they envy you.
How to fix it: You cannot fix this, because it is not your fault. Keep being an awesome person.
What Are The Signs That People Don’t Like You?
We have already outlined possible reasons why people may dislike you; however, you may not notice or even recognize that you are getting disliked or that your actions are increasingly making the people around you avoid you. There are some universal signs or pointers that suggest that you are disliked, and you can easily deduce it through body language. The following signs are applicable to colleagues, co-workers, neighbors, e.t.c.
People walk out when you walk in: If you walk into a place, for example; if you walk into a school canteen or workplace cafeteria, and other people automatically just walk out as soon as you come in, it is a pointer that you are disliked. They obviously do not want to share the same space with you.
When nobody wants to make body contact with you: Do you extend handshakes and people decline? Do other people avoid your hugs? Are people visibly get irritated when you make even the smallest body contact with them? This is a sign that you are disliked.
Fake Smiles: Most people fake their smiles when they are not comfortable but are forced to be polite. If people around you are constantly faking their smiles around you, they do not like you.
Uptight behavior: Are people constantly acting all formal and uptight around you? Do they seem nervous and are always trying to be on their best behavior around you? This is especially if you are an employer or a superior at the office.
Meanness: This is pretty easy, if people are mean and impolite to you, they don’t like you. And this may or may not be your fault.
One word replies: If all your questions, statements, or conversation starters are met with one-worded replies with no effort to further the conversation from the other person, they don’t like you.
Too much eye contact: Yes, there is such a thing as too much eye contact, especially when the eyes do not mind. If people or a person maintains excessive eye contact when speaking to you, they are spelling out their dislike.
Always in a hurry around you: Are people or a person always seeming to be in a hurry whenever you want to speak to them? Do they always have somewhere else to be just when you start speaking to them? That’s a sign that you are disliked.
Time consciousness: Most people generally wish time could stop when they are with the people or a person they like; so, if the people around you are always checking the time, looking at their wristwatches, or acting as if they would rather be somewhere else when they are with you, they don’t like you.
You don’t get invitations: If nobody ever invites you to anything at all, then, it is a clear sign that you are not liked.
Signs Your Friends/Family Don’t Like You
The aforementioned are general signs showing that you are disliked, however, when it comes to friends and family; you may be confused or get mixed signals, which sometimes are a result of self-denial (you don’t want to accept the fact that your friend or relative may not like you). The following signs can help you clarify the issue.
Always occupied: If your friends or members of your family/relatives, always seem to be up to something rather than spend time with you; if they are always coming up with excuses as to why they can’t hang out with you, they don’t like you.
No eye contact: When your friend or a relative avoids looking into your eyes when they are holding a conversation with you, it simply means they don’t mean what they are saying or they would prefer not to be talking to you and this shows that you are disliked.
Avoiding intimacy: If your lover or partner avoids intimacy with you, if they are always having a headache or are too tired, or they want to do something else at that moment, especially when it is a recurrent refusal to intimacy, they no longer like you.
Holding back information: If you always seem to be the last to be informed about important information; if everyone else knows who just had a baby, who is getting married or graduating from college; and you seem to always be in the dark, it is because your friends or relatives dislike you.
They don’t laugh at your jokes: Nobody laughs at the jokes of a person they don’t like. So, if your funniest jokes are not able to elicit even the faintest of giggles; we are sorry, but your audience, even if they are your relatives or friends, does not like you.
Arguments: Are your friends or relatives always arguing with you, criticizing you, or can’t seem to ever be on the same page with you; it could be a sign that you are disliked.
Ghosting: If a friend, lover, or relative suddenly disappears on you, cuts all communication with you; and meanwhile they are fine and okay; it simply means they now dislike you and will rather have nothing to do with you.
What To Do When People Don’t Like You
You may be wondering now, based on all that we have outlined, what you can do or what to do when people don’t like you. We are reinstating that you really don’t have absolute control over how other people feel about you, especially when you may have tried to tie up your own loose ends. However, there are things you can do when you realize that people do not like you;
Work on your flaws
Evaluate yourself, recognize your shortcomings, forgive yourself, and then work on your flaws. One of the ways to work around being disliked by others is cutting down on your own excesses. Ask yourself “why don’t people like me? Am I doing something wrong?”
Do not be desperate for acceptance
In as much as you are trying to fix things, do not be desperate for acceptance. And this is why forgiving yourself is very necessary. Accept the fact that you have made mistakes, and do not be desperate about getting people back in your corner.
Fix burnt bridges
If there are people dear to you that you have lost their friendship due to your excesses, try to reconnect with them, but this time around, do it as a changed person. Remember to give them time to warm up to you.
One of the things you should do when you realize people are beginning to avoid you or don’t like you is to ask them questions. Find a way to communicate and find out ways you can make amends. This is important because you may be jumping to a lot of conclusions that may not be real. So, whether it is over the phone, in person, or a text, try to find out what went wrong.
It is important to apologize to those you may have hurt. For example, if you have been a mean person, or if you have been a bully, you should apologize to the person you have been mean to, especially if they are your friends or relatives.
If you realize that your flaws are the number one reason you are disliked, one of the steps you should take is to forgive yourself. This is important because, if you are trying to cut down your excesses, you need to forgive yourself for your past mistakes. This will give you the clarity you need to make the best decisions.
How Do You Stop Worrying About People Who Don’t Like You?
You may not be able to fix everything that has been broken. Facing the reality that people do not like you may take a toll on your emotional and mental health. Here are a few ways you can cope.
Meet new people and make new friends
Meeting new people and making new friends is one of the ways you can cope with being disliked. This helps you start afresh on a clean slate and also helps you to stop worrying about people who don’t like you.
Change your environment
This is very important, especially when it is taking a toll on you psychologically. If your co-workers do not like you, maybe you should consider getting a new job or asking for your work desk to be moved to another place. If it is your neighbors, you can consider moving to a new place. Changing your environment helps you worry less as you will no longer be close to the toxicity.
Focus on the people who still like you
Despite the fact that there are people who do not like you, you should also realize that there are people who still like you. Even the most dreaded men in the world still have people who genuinely like/love them. So, instead of worrying and focusing on the people who do not like you, think about those who still care about you and reach out to them.
If you are focusing on “why don’t people like me” also remember that there are some people who still like you. Even Hitler had people who liked him. You are not the worst person on earth.
Find a new Hobby
This will help with distractions. Instead of wallowing in self-pity or guilt, find new interests or hobbies that can help you worry less. Explore activities you hitherto have not tried out, you may be unlocking a great side of you.
Accept that not everyone will like you
This is one of the most important steps you can take. Not everyone will like you. No matter how much of a good, kind, great person that you are, there are still people who will not like you. You need to face this reality and understand that even if you have turned a new leaf from all your flaws, not everyone will like you.
Stop trying to be in control of how people see you
It is absolutely normal to want to figure out how other people see you, but you need to realize that you cannot control their feelings. Do not spend your time trying to find out if a person likes you or not, it will worsen matters for you.
See a therapist
If you find out that the whole situation is taking too much of a toll on you, in order to avoid a mental breakdown, please seek the help of a professional counselor or a therapist.
Humans are social animals and it is only natural in day-to-day dealings to either be liked or disliked. But ultimately, not everyone will like you. Instead of focusing on “why don’t people like me”, think about how you may have contributed to it, as well as ways you can cope with the situation as we have always outlined. It may or may not be your fault, but you need to realize that, you are not alone and there are still people who care about you, especially if you are sure that you are not the cause of the friction. Be okay with not being liked, and learn to live with it. However, if you know you have contributed to your situation, fix yourself for your own good.